Matrimonial Dispute

What Happened? Historical Background to the conflict

The matrimonial dispute arose between Vibha and Christopher. Vibha is a Hindu and Christopher is a Christian. Before the marriage, both Vibha and Christopher had known each other for approximately 6 years. They met through common friends. For three years, they had a committed relationship and tied the knot. However, there was stiff resistance from parents from both sides. The marriage was performed under the Special Marriage Act. Later, both sets of parents reconciled. Both of them agreed that their children will be exposed to both religions and they will celebrate all festivals. Vibha and Christopher have been married for 14 years and have two children, daughter Malhar aged 13 years and son Prince aged 10 years and 6 months.  

Vibha liked Christopher’s strong sense of family values since Christopher came from a joint family and has four sisters. Vibha lost her mother when she was young and was an only child brought up by her father.

Christopher previously had a senior post in a pharmaceutical company and was earning around Rs. 1 lac per month. Vibha wanted to continue working after marriage but Christopher and his family felt that they should start a family. Malhar was born within one year of marriage and Prince within three years of marriage. Both Vibha and Christopher were good parents who shared many childcare responsibilities.

When the children started school, Vibha asked Christopher about taking up a job. This was opposed by Christopher and his family. Christopher’s parents also preferred that Vibha have long hair and stop wearing modern clothes. Vibha sought the support of her father who persuaded Christopher that Vibha should study further and take up a job. Vibha enrolled for a B.Ed. (Bachelor of education) course. To finance the course, she took a loan of Rs. 2 lacs from a private finance company of which her father-in-law was the director.

Vibha graduated from her course at the top of her class. Due to her academic performance, she received a placement as Junior Lecturer in a reputable college with a starting salary of Rs. 50,000/ per month. Vibha joined the college about three years back.

Before the job, Vibha was a primary caregiver to the children, though Christopher also helped by feeding the children and changing their clothes. Christopher’s parents and Vibha’s unmarried sister were always there to help and assist in every way as far as children were concerned.

Vibha tried her level best to balance her work and home responsibilities, but her in-laws were not happy with her job. They requested that she quit the job. When Vibha refused to follow this instruction, her relationship with Christopher deteriorated. Prior to their separation, Christopher had become extremely angry and had hit Vibha on two occasions. She left the matrimonial home along with the kids about two years ago. She is now residing in rented accommodation.

After being separated for about 2 years, Christopher has decided to file for divorce. Apart from divorce, he also wants sole custody of children and supervised visitation rights to Vibha. Vibha has already filed a case for providing maintenance for the children under Section 125 Cr.P.C and a complaint under Domestic Violence Act against Christopher alleging physical violence, mental cruelty and her right to reside in the shared household. When Vibha appeared in court, Ld. District Judge, who had met with both parties, counseled them to try mediation. Both Christopher and Vibha decided to go for mediation.

Each Other’s Stories – how each person understands the situation and why

Vibha’s Story

Position: I will not leave the job, as it provides me with financial independence.

Interests:

Safety/Security: I want child support in accordance with the law. I also want accommodations provided to me and my children. The finance company of which Christopher’s father is the director has issued me a legal notice to repay the loan immediately. I have the responsibility to tend towards the needs of my children, my studies as well as pay rent. The only option available to me is to get the money from my father. I am ready to repay half of the loan and for Christopher to pay the other half.

Physiological Needs:  I want my children to receive love and parental care from me as well as their father. Regarding visitation, Christopher can pick up the children in the evenings after school at 3 PM, until Vibha picks them up at 7 PM from his residence. Christopher can take children home on alternate weekends from Friday until Sunday morning after Church.

In my mind, there is no way to undo the years of brainwashing that has conditioned Christopher to do as he is told without asking questions. I may not be able to save Christopher, but I am determined not to let the same fate befall my children. I fear that if I let the children be with Christopher, his mother will influence them to act in her favor. I am open to Christopher’s thoughts and opinions but I want to have the final say regarding my children.

Self-Esteem/Respect: As a woman, I believe in my right to work and respect. At this age, I do not want to be told what to wear and whether I should keep my hair short or long.

Business Growth/Profit/Self-Actualization: The children should have a normal childhood and not miss out on the company of any parents or grandparents.

Christopher’s Story

Position: Family comes first and then the job.

Interests:

Safety/Security: I found a big change in Vibha’s behavior. Vibha has started wearing modern clothes, cut her hair short. Instead of cooking good wholesome meals for the children she started feeding them with food from fast food restaurants. I am worried about the health of the children and Vibha’s influence on them. I am open to Vibha’s thoughts and opinions but I want to have the final word. I want custody of the children and visitation rights to Vibha supervised by me or my parents because I feel that Vibha’s lifestyle is spoiling them.

Physiological Needs: I am ready and willing to provide maintenance for the children but I would also like Vibha to contribute. I strongly believe that Vibha’s stubbornness toward working has caused a break in our marriage. I am willing to pay school fees and anything else the children may need for school.

Self-Esteem/Respect: Vibha should respect me and my parents.

Business Growth/Profit/Self-Actualization: The children should have a normal childhood, and should not miss out on the company of any of their parents or grandparents.